Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
