I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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