Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who died my cat blue again?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
