dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
