I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
