I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
