How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
