Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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