Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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