this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
