he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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