just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
