The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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