dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
