could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
