Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
