i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
