Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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