When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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