so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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