ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
