I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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