based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
