K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
