names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
