True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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