You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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