his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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