you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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