i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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