Sponge bath it is.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
