This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
