Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
