Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
