Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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