Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
