Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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