***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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