Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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