vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
