haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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