did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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