im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
