if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to make a zoo with you.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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