I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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