Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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