eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
