Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
