eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
