He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
