I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
