There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
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I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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