i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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