Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
