Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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