two words: eviction party
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
