you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
