did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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