What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
