Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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