I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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