I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize