I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
