Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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