pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize