12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.