No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
