Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
