woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize